I May Have to Dump my Boyfriend

The other day I was walking down the street. A very kind and I’m sure completely trustworthy and sane individual was standing on the corner handing out little slips of paper. I graciously accepted his offering and walked on as I read. What I read was completely horrifying. Apparently, the FBI is secretly murdering church folk in a small church in the DC area. I was appalled to say the least. Elders and Deacons had been secretly murdered!?! My current “boyfriend” is in the FBI. I had to confront him. How could he be a part of something so malicious. Thanks to the old man on the corner, I have been saved from dating a murderer. It is a bit sad though, I really kind of liked this guy. But, one must not ignore the facts - especially those compiled from homeless men on DC’s street corners.